Set List: Sometimes, Hail Hail, Animal, In My Tree, Spin The Black Circle, Corduroy, Last Exit, Better Man, Lukin, Not For You, Jeremy, Even Flow, Mankind, Daughter / I Believe in Miracles, Habit, I Got Id, Alive, Blood; 1st Encore: Go, Who You Are, Rearviewmirror, Leaving Here, 2nd Encore: Indifference

Ffuppa@aol.com:

Toledo was my second Pearl Jam show, Key Arena in Seattle in '96 being my first. I consider myself mighty lucky to have seen PJ four times in my life and look forward to seein' em when they rocket through the summer. Thanks for the great webpage and thanks to the other fans who've shared their stories of seeing Pearl Jam, on a stage, tearing through song after song after song after yet another song, letting the fans surf along on their ocean of music. And of course, thanks to Pearl Jam for being, well, Pearl Jam!!!

I. On The Other Side Of The Glass

With a trunk load of hats we drove to Toledo, listening to a PJ show from '95 on tape. I had my doubts, but pushed them into a back corner of my mind. I'd have faith in Stick and his plan. We spent most of the afternoon visiting our friend, Pops who was in the middle of law school. There were ripples of excitement in the campus, he said, and talk of hopeful fans offering $300.00 for tickets. We ate lunch at a Chinese buffet and while Stick wandered off for more Moo Goo Gai Pan, Pops asked me about Stick's plan.

"What's Stick's plan?"
"I don't know. Something to do with hats."
"Ahh."

Earlier in the afternoon we wandered over to Savage Hall. The afternoon was sunny and pleasant (writing this two years past I can still remember walking out there) and groups of kids walked about the Hall. A few security folk wouldn't let us past a certain point. A tent was up by the glass doors that led in. I walked over to a woman who looked to be in charge. I could tell she was in charge cause she was on the other side of a table set up under the tent.

"What do you think this is?" asked Pops.
"Some kind of radio thing." said Stick.
"A promotion or some crap," I said and asked the lady what exactly was going on. She blathered out some radio station crap about something or other that I can't recall.
"Blah blah blah station name blah blah blah Broadcast, blah blah blah"
"Broadcast? You're going to broadcast the concert?" I couldn't believe it! If Stick's plan was going to fail, (as one pessismistic pep rally in my head believed) we could still tune in and tape the show! Alright!
"No. We're broadcasting some other live show."
"Oh." Crestfallen.
"You wanna pipe?" asked Stick. (Pipe being an all purpose euphemism, used by my friends and myself. As in,
If you're hungry: You wanna pipe?
If you're curious if someone finds a girl attractive: Would you pipe her?
You want to leave wherever you are at, You wanna pipe?
A goodbye: Pipe ya.

I'll spare everyone the origin of this phrase that unlike the word Quiz, remains unknown to the world and is used in this way only by my friends and I. (All of you now bored with this, if you're still here, feel free to move on to part 2 as I talk about the concert itself. Anyway....back to the story)

"Let's pipe," I said. Pops and Stick were already moving away, back down the cement walkway. I spared another look through the glass doors, watching workers inside move about, hoping and wishing I'd be inside.

We went back to Pops' apartment and Stick took a nap. I bullshat with Pops and others. I was wrapped in a subtle mellow blanket, that kept me from counting the hours before the show. I tried to resign myself that if we could not get in, that I'd still be happy, just to be here, just to stare out at the sky and feel the fall's slightly cold breeze. Happy that I got to see them just a little while ago in Seattle. Than I'd try to assume a mental state of aloofness, so I could be ready to enact Stick's plan and somehow sneak into Savage Hall.

Later that night...

Stick was up, Pops was coached to scan radio stations in case the band were going to broadcast the show and a hundred hundred butterflies had grown in my belly.

"Here, buy me a shirt, if you get in." said Pops, handing me a couple tens.
"Okay. What size?"
"Extra large. And don't get arrested." he said with a grin.
And then we were out the door. We drove to the lot where Pops had told us to park.
"Alright. Uh, what's your plan?" I asked Stick. But he said nothing. We parked and got out.
"You want me to bring the hats?" I asked.
He stood there for a moment, like he hadn't heard.
"Stick?"
"Uh....no. Let's go check it out first."
"Okay." I shrugged. Check it out? What's to check out? Didn't we already check it out? Wasn't that the whole purpose of this afternoon?

Have faith, another part of me said as we hoofed it over to the show. The closer we got, the more my insides churned, I was a stew of anxiety and anticipation, dread and hope. We walked through the parking lot, past cars cranking out PJ, past desperate fans with homemade signs that read TICKETS WILL PAY $250. I was about to ask what Stick's plan was when he said something so low and monotone I could barely hear him.

".....tickets. Anyone got tickets?" he said.

My face didn't show the sudden dread I felt, but inside I was shocked.

This was his plan? Tickets? Anyone got tickets? Not even a sign, not even any money, no hats, nothing. I couldn't believe it.

We got closer and he spoke softly again,

"Tickets?" He sounded defeated.

And I was angry and disappointed. Look! A part of me thought. Have faith in someone and they let you down!

I couldn't believe it, I had trusted Stick and now.....I tried to hold together my shaky optimism.

We walked up the walkway, where we saw a small line of people at a closed ticket window.

Stick looked around.

"I hadn't counted on this." He said. My heart fell, but tried to fly...

"We'll go to the other side," said Stick.

Okay. Maybe we'll get in, I thought. I looked at the two security people tearing tickets and considered running past them. Not a very smart idea.

I stared through the glass doors at the fans on the other side. I could hear them through the doors, I could see the excitement in their faces and I could almost reach out and touch the fun within. What I would not give to be on the other side of the glass. I stood there and watched and hoped that those inside truly appreciated that they were inside. That's all. I hoped they enjoyed the show and really appreciated getting to experience Pearl Jam live. I think I was happy for them. I turned to follow Stick around the other side of the building. He held two tickets in his hand.

For one delightful moment I stared at the two blue tickets and than I started laughing. I took one and looked at Stick as he grinned back at me.

The bastard! He'd had em all along!

"I love you." I said. I took one of the tickets with a shaky hand and walked up to the security guy, got patted down quickly and then, after he tore my ticket, I leaped through the doors.

II. Intensity All Through Me

After buying Pops a shirt, and Stick a shirt and blurting out all kinds of gratitude his way, we found our seats. We were seated kinda far from the stage, but I really could care less. I was inside! I was going to get to see Pearl Jam a second time!! I was almost crying except that I was too busy grinning and laughing. We talked to another fan briefly and then the Fastbacks came on. They ripped through a fast set, not playing as long as they did in Seattle.

"I kinda like em, " I said to Stick.

He nodded. There was something special in the lead singer's voice. After they were done, we watched the roadies prepare the stage.
"What do you think they'll open with?" I asked.
"I'm Open." said Stick.
"I think, Oceans or Sometimes. Sometimes. I think it's going to be Sometimes."

I watched the pit, wondering what it would be like to be in a PJ pit. I hate moshing and barely made it through a Foo Fighters pit a while back.

(WARNING: SLIGHT MOSHING DIATRIBE) If others want to mosh, that's their business. I wouldn't mind if it didn't affect others who don't want to mosh. I don't understand slamming other people or being lifted about. I can understand the music filling you up so quick and so much that you have to dance and jump around, but I don't see why you have to smash others or kick them in the head.

Not that everyone who moshes does this. A friend of ours, Vance says that moshing used to be different once upon a time, that you could be lifted up and carried around the club, and more people were courteous but that now it's become an opportunity for some people to abuse others. I've seen big burly men charge into other's backs, I've seen people get crushed by the crowd, I've been crushed by the crowd and I hate it.

I'm there for the music, I want it to soak me, I want it to wring my soul out, I want to dance with the songs, I want to make love to the music and jump and laugh and cry and fly.

The roadies set down the setlist and lit the candles and I look at Stick and we both know it's just a matter of time.

"Uh...." Stick looks a bit uncomfortable.
"What?"
"I've gotta piss."

The houselights went down. The crowd began to yell even louder.
"Go then! You can make it!"

And he ran off down the steps as I looked to the stage. I don't remember what music (if any) was playing before and as they come on stage, but suddenly there they are, Jack behind the drums, Mike and Stone, Jeff, I start to hear the beginning notes of Sometimes., there's Ed with a guitar in the center,..yesyesyes and Stick's running back up and next to me and for as long as the band's on stage, the universe has shrunk down to the interior of Savage Hall.

Sometimes sounds so damn good, the part where Eddie sings, "sometimes I live, sometimes I fall" gives me chills. The song slowly fades and then they charge into Hail Hail.

"You underestimate me!" and I'm bouncing up and down in place, as the songs warm me, one by one. Each one I love, each one evokes a different feeling in me. Animal is a grinding pulse, "onetwothreefourfive against one, fivefive, five against one!"

The kick-ass drumbeats of In My Tree make me giddy. Another favorite of mine, with the "...still got it! Still got it!" making my flesh explode with happiness and my bones smile.

Spin the Black Circle comes next and whoa! Whatever power it has on record does not compare to feeling this one live. Then I hear the opening notes of Corduroy and hell! I'm singing along with those around me, jumping up and down and life is good. We see Stone doing his marching steps, Jeff leaning with the music and Mike working his guitar alchemy upon his axe and our ears. The song hammers out to its quiet and gentle end and then we get Better Man and as the chords ring out, my body is there in the stands but all that matters of me is flying around the rafters of the Hall on wings of song.

Every song was a highlight for me, like racing into a multi-colored sky, each time bursting out into a new colorful plain and being amazed and then pushing even higher, feeling even better with each song. At the end of Not For You, Eddie sings how this is definitely NOT FOR YOU....

Everyone sings along to the end of Jeremy and after it's over, Stick looks at me,
"He's a bastard," says Stick with a smile.

I nod with gleeful assent. Eddie's a wonderful bastard with a voice like a devil happily damned. They kick into Even Flow, the whole band ripping the song apart, with Mike's wailing solo flying above the song. After the bitchin' solo they start up the riff to go back into it, but then they don't. Oh my god! This is so cool. They kind of just jam a little bit and then kick back into the song! Wow. I've never heard them play it like that. Mankind's next and it sounds a lot tighter than it did in Seattle. I love when Stone sings the Baccahnal line. Daughter follows and as the song stretches, Eddie sings part of the Ramones "I Believe in Miracles." "I believe in a miracle for me and you....." And this is a special moment for me, in a night of special moments, this song coaxing the words and the sentiment from between my lips, my heart truly believing in miracles, hoping and believing in one for me and Sue.

Habit pummels us next and after, Eddie gives with a little speil about how he doesn't want the band to get hit with a lot of angry letters from our parents for being up late on a Sunday and missing school the next day. He tells us he can go all night! It's funny and neat, and it's always a treat when they take a break from playing and talk to the audience. Eddie starts playing I Got Id and something feels a bit off. He stops and says, "Someone didn't do their homework." The crowd laughs and cheers and then, "This time it'll be perfect." or words to that effect and then he starts it up again. It rocks.

They take us through Alive and then an amazingly intense Blood, the audience clapping along to the extended middle, people bashing seats, the stage all lit in red...and then bam-bam-bam! Eddie thanks us and off they go.

I'm sweaty and happy and I can't wait for the encores. Out they come with Go, guitars shrieking as the song climaxes over the rhythm's roar and then the great tumbling drums that announce Who You Are. Rearviewmirror opens with Eddie playing the first few notes slowly, and then faster, faster until Jack kicks in and they race through it, cymbals and quiet notes strumming during the extended bridge. As soon as RVM crackles to its conclusion, they bless us with Leaving Here, and the notes bounce around and around and around and suddenly, Eddie is saying, "Thanks Toledo, we'll see you next time."

They disappear but then, yes! They come back. The houselights go up and I see Jeff with his stand-up. They play Indifference. And something really special, something really magical happens. Everyone sings along. It certainly sounds like everyone. My voice is joined with the voices all around me, singing every quiet, wandering, pining, note. The words are wanting, the melody is sad and questioning. It's an uncertain certainty. It's the perfect way to end the evening. We all sing along, gently, band and audience wedded for the moment; it's a quiet moment, one filled with power. As the last note fades and Pearl Jam leave the stage a last time, Eddie waving goodbye, I feel the passing of something that words cannot explain.

Stick and I don't talk as we walk outside into the pleasantly cool night. I see a wonderful moon above me, above us all and feel absolutely 100% drained. We walk over to where some other fans wait, hoping to see the band as they leave. Various workers tell us not to wait as the band ain't coming out this way. We stay briefly and than wander off. Pearl Jam already gave of themselves this night, seeing them briefly as they left wasn't necessary.

What I felt inside me, then and now, was a moment of contentment, a gentle peace, a good feeling and a happy memory.

Telling it now is reliving it. Thank you, Eddie, Jeff, Mike, Stone and Jack! Thank you from the center of my heart for all the wonderful music, great shows and fun!